I know that most women at times (especially in times of big life events – new children, children moving out, new careers, new countries, life changing health issues) struggle to feel connected with their partner. I GET IT. So many people can’t figure out how to be with their partner when the ground beneath them has completely shifted, and feel stuck when nothing seems to be working anymore. They struggle with either wondering if this is all they can expect in their relationship, if battling is their new way of communicating, or if maybe that they made the wrong choice all together.
Some struggle for a long time……
This is something that I struggled with too.
When my partner (now husband) and I moved from Canada to Australia, I struggled with being me in this new surroundings, I hid behind his confident way…even though it felt like a slow death of the real me.
After we had children, I struggled with how to co-parent with my husband and we found ourselves fighting over and over about the way we thought it should be, both believing we were right and the other was wrong……..
I realized that I was incredibly unhappy and was questioning if this was all there was for my marriage (disagreement and discomfort) and my life (unhappy with who I was and unsure how to change it).
Then I tried making him change, if he would just learn from me and my stellar parenting skills (eeks, I shudder now to think about my need to be right and my inability to shift out of, or even to be aware of, my blaming and judgment)… then we would get along better and get back to loving our life together with our kids.
It was only when…
- I was taught to look at myself instead of focusing on my husband
- I started to understand the Change Cycle and what it feels like after each of my big life changes
- I began to uncover why I was feeling so lost and out of control and how as a result of this powerless feeling I attempted to make things right by controlling life around me..my husband, my emotions, my circumstances…everything but what I could change – my disconnection to me.
…that things started to change.
I went from:
~ not knowing how to handle, or sometimes even being aware of, the changes I was facing
~ unconsciously creating drama and conflict as a way of finding some control in my shifting life
~ being on auto-pilot and in reaction mode rather than admitting I was scared or unsure, and
~ feeling frustrated, unfulfilled and alone in my life and in my marriage.
~ reconnecting to my husband (and continuing to reconnect after each new huge change like: moving countries again, mid life, health challenges) by seeing these changes as opportunities to grow personally and as a couple.
~ knowing when and why I was triggered
~ choosing to be the pilot and/or co-pilot choosing my/our path forward
~ learning where I was ready for growth based on the triggers I was feeling, and
~ finding out what and how to meet my own needs so that I have a rock-solid sense of (or a way to find out) who I am at any point in time.
My relationship has gone from blame, judgment and an “I’m right/you’re wrong” dynamic to authentic growth and an inner awareness that allows me to get out of my own way knowing that love is created when I regularly connect to both myself and to my husband.
That’s why I started helping my clients who are wondering if this is all there is for them in life and love.
This is why I created my signature program: Relationship Reconnection that starts with a reconnection to yourself so you can reconnect to your partner from a solid foundation that prevents neediness, control or drama.
If you want help figuring out how to keep your marriage intact and better than ever after a big life change, sign up for Relationship Reconnection. Inside you’ll learn exactly how to navigate change in a way that allows you to grow and to go from drama/conflict/settling to connecting deeper and deeper to your husband regardless of what life throws at you.
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