Most of us rarely describe our relationships as drama-filled (well, at least not since we were teenage girls anyway). But what I have come to learn from looking closely at my relationships and those of my clients, is we often dive into drama in our relationships without even knowing it.
So what do I mean when I say drama and why is our own drama dive so hard to spot in our relationships?
Let’s look at a relationship example using YOU + ME = US (read the blog about it) where the “YOU”(Steve) is your partner, you are the “ME” (Tina) and the “US” is what is created by what you and your partner bring to each other.
Tina is going through her day when she gets a text from Steve. Steve has a problem. It’s not serious but it means things Tina had planned need to be changed…again.
Tina is TRIGGERED though she’s not aware of it. Her thoughts start jumping from one thing to the next (Steve has become her PRIORITY – what is occupying most of her time):
Thoughts like these (victim thoughts)…
- “He always changes our plans.”
- “He should have figured something out.”
- “How am I supposed to be happy in our relationship when he never makes it me a priority?”
- “He is probably just trying to avoid being with me.”
- “What a *%#$, why do I even bother!!
or maybe like these (rescuer thoughts)…
- “That really sucks! His job really sucks.”
- “He needs to say ‘no’ more’.”
- “I wonder if he should start looking for a new job.”
- “Maybe he needs to get some training to do something else.”
- “I will have to wait until later to talk to him. He might be upset if I bring it up now.”
or (villain thoughts)…
- “That’s it! I’ve had enough.”
- “If he’s not going to bother with our relationship, neither will I.”
- “I will show him what it feels like to always have plans changed!”
- “He’s such an @$$!”
These are some examples of what can happen after we have been triggered. Before we know it, we are in their business (Byron Katie explains more here), out of our own and have successfully avoided being present with ourselves, our emotions and our own opportunity for growth (THE DISTRACTION).
This is our Drama Dive.
It means we have given up our power to create a relationship we love. As soon as we put our energy (thoughts, feeling, and actions) into being a Villain, a Rescuer or a Victim in an attempt to control the circumstance, we have stepped out of our ability to create our own lives.
Instead, if you really want to create a relationship you love, you have to go inward first. Notice you are triggered, sit with what you are feeling, hear your wisdom and then moving forward focus on taking 100% responsibility for creating the thinking, feeling, actions and results you want.
It starts with us always.
“You’ve always had the power, my dear. You’ve had it all along.” Glinda, Wizard of Oz
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