27 years today & despite huge challenges, stronger than ever.
I remember the day the man I would spend my life with became “my man”. It was 27 years ago today that we started dating. We both had returned home from our perspective universities and were getting ready to start our summer jobs.
Nik had a gathering at his place with a bunch of friends. He was showing me around his place and somehow or other we never rejoined the party.
From that moment on we were together and I mean really together. He took the year off his studies and stayed with me. Then I changed universities to go with him to his. We studied, travelled, worked together, and basked in the glow of young love.
There is no doubt we were fully in the Romantic Stage of our relationship. Both of us were willing to do whatever we had to to be together, we ignored the challenges and, as long as we were together, we were happy.
Our Relationship Journey took the twists and turns that all relationships do, taking us into the next stage of relationships – the Power Struggle. We faced the uncertainties of moving countries and starting again 4 times, we are parents of two now teenaged children, we’ve dealt with serious health issues, and career changes. And through every one of these big changes, we faced the obstacles by choosing to grow together ….though not without the initial (and sometimes long lasting) resistance and blaming of each other.
Today, now that I know about the Five Relationship Stages, first introduced by Susan Campbell, Ph. D in her book GETTING REAL: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life., I see where we got stuck and why. I am so thankful to have learned on my journey how to look at triggers with an understanding that they are guiding me to change and shift, and to know how triggers in my intimate relationship with my husband and with my children are my best opportunity to grow into my best self for my loved ones, for the people I can serve and most importantly for myself.
We are past the Power Struggle stage now, but without the support I had I don’t think the outcome would be the same.
If you want to know more about doing this yourself, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and ask to book in for a free consult or to get my new free Relationship Roadmap (coming out with my new website soon) that shows you where you are in your journey, what is keeping you stuck and what you can do about it.
Now, I’m off to celebrate with my husband.
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